Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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