We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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