Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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