I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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