My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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