# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize