Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
