I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
