He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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