Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
