if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
