she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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