Betty ford says i'm here all night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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