I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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