After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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