we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
