i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
