My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
