i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
