My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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