He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
