Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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