But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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