so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
