my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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