Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
