there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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