I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
