Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
