Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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