I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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