I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
