i just wanna soil my oats bro
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
