are you still at the devil's house?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
