Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
