Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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