Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
