you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
