when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
