My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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