I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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