I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
