I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
