He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
