went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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