is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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