I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
