It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
