meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
