listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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