Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
