For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
