I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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