We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
