U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
