i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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