I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize