hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
