I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
