He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
