awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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