she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
