I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
