The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MIDGETS
????
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pants are for mortals
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
