Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
