DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
