it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
where am i from again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
