if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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