You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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