If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
