the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
