please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
