You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
