If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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