Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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