TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
